I came late to The Episcopal Church, so I didn’t realize that there were stages to stewardship until I was in my early thirties. Five Stages to be exact. They may sound vaguely familiar, but I thought it would be helpful to review them all. They are listed in a certain order but can be experienced out of order. Please note that some of us linger on a stage (or two) longer than others!
Stage One: Denial
Some churches embrace this stage with an unholy enthusiasm. For me, this stage was all about not knowing the day-to-day reality of a congregation: buildings and ground maintenance, staffing, and paying for the lights, the heating, and the A/C! What got me through this phase, strangely enough, was being on a Church Commission and having to submit a budget to the vestry. What an eye-opener this was!
Stage Two: Anger
I experienced this stage of the stewardship process with a lot of unexamined feelings and quite pointed questions: What right does the church have to ask me for money? Don’t they know I have bills, student loan debt, monthly credit card payments, even a mortgage for God’s sake? Who are they to tell me that God wants to be involved in my financial life? Can I even trust them with my money when they print stuff in color? What was my response when asked to pledge? Well, you just need to be more frugal, like me! For most of us, this is probably the hardest stage. The anger isn’t really at the church per se, as much as at God for chipping away our denial that our financial lives shouldn’t include God’s presence.
Stage Three: Bargaining
Once I realized that God wants me to give back to God through the church, I started putting a financial tag on all my “volunteer” activities. I was an acolyte and crucifer, which I figured was a donation of $50 and $75 per Sunday, respectively. Chairing the monthly committee meeting was at least worth $100—it was a lot of emailing and I did have a printed agenda! So right there, without even taking out my checkbook, I was probably “giving” the church at least $300 per month. Except that I was still keeping God out of my daily life; in this case, my daily expenses. I realized that all the volunteer work I was doing was to be done in addition to the work of figuring out where God was present (or not!) in my financial life.
Stage Four: Depression
I think of this stage as when all my defenses began to crumble all around me. When I realized that if I were being brutally honest: I simply didn’t always want to give to the church and didn’t want to involve God in how I organized my material life. But I also realized, by the grace of God, that I wouldn’t be able to go deeper as a disciple until I let God into all of this (mess, in my case). And this tension was depressing! I didn’t know if I was ready to move out of this stage because once I made this change, my financial life would no longer be my own. (Though in truth it never really was to begin with!)
Stage Five: Acceptance
None of us make it to this stage but for the grace of God. This is where we experience true conversion in our stewardship pledge. What we give back to God through the church becomes the first donation each month. We right this check (or confirm this automatic deduction) with a sense of deep and abiding gratitude. We are aware that all we have and all we are is from God and will be returned to God. Our pledge is just the spiritual discipline that reminds us of this. The good news, once you get to this final stage there’s no turning back! Praise God!